The Truth

It's sure been eons since the webmaster last visited his site. He considered using the fingers to tabulate the time he lay his hands on his site, and was amazed that he needs 1 more hand to even get his math right. He's surprise! It's exacting 14 days from the previous post, a post that was mainly just crap and crappier post, designed to keep his friends he still lives.

In fact, he's even thought of even abandoning his little site in the 2 weeks since he was having less and less touchy issues to make comments to. Since it's a well know fact people around him DO make the effort to read his post or even learn about the freak beneath the glamour cover of his moniter thus surpressing him to reveal more of his thoughts.

Hence, it's small wonder he's typing out now. Since this particular post will never see light or be even let know to whover's post he's expressing his feelings about. The personnel involved will never even read his entry. Since the webmaster don't even think that the person mentioned remembers his site or even bothers to read it. Despite the well know fact that he has broadcast it to the her endless. Not once has she visit his mini realm. It's such sad thing. Even so, the webmaster still decide to vent his frustation to the world.

The webmaster was doing his usual routine, clicking though his bookmarks on his IE to check out what's new in the Online World. Nothing much he rendered. And was hence chatting happily with the girl of his dreams online no so long before he read her post, feeling that he's just on a lucky day to catch her. Until the worse of the worse came out.

It was something that affected him so much that it even amazed him. Something that matters so much to him that he stop his converation with the girl of his dream, setting himself in NA mode on his chatting wares.

It was a blog entry. Be damm. Words, something as trival as letters could make him go over his senses. He really felt like responding right one the dot and let free his own set of wordings no how he feels, all that he wanted to say but would not, for the fear of losing it. He's getting weary of this and on the verge of breakdown.

Well, if only the blog entry he was reading wasn't so open, so exposed to the world, so that many could read it, it would be a hell lot better. But no, it has to be on her friendster bulletin, urging all that are close to her to read it. Even to the extend of providing the courtesy of giving the URL link. And the blog entry has to talk about her feeling hurt. What's the big deal in broadcasting to the world? So that you can secret hope that your "supposed" boyfriend reads it and be enlighten? So you're just seeking attention? I don't know anymore. Or am I simply losing myself.

I know you're hurt from way your new "supposed" boyfriend treats you.
Going out with you only when he is free and well far from his mates. Making you feel diminish, mocking your existemce.
I know that the feeling of not being recongized tears you utterly apart. That attention's not focus on you unless you're needed? GOTHA, you are getting your own medicine. It's fun, isn't it? Now you know how I'm feeling.

The idea of you sharing your thoughts to the world is solely your own choice. However this webmaster has something to say. He feels UTTERLY miserable after reading entry. Yeah, he knows she feeling like dirt, worse than the lowest lifeform on this sorry planet. He feels sorry for her for that moment, just that moment when he was reading her post. And promptly steel up his willpower and thought of making his point here. Afterall, what's there to pity for. He long has his own set of problems with her.

No one feel sorry when he's wearing the same shoes as her. Even though he has face equal shit, and more, he's never told any1 else how deeply he feels for ... Since she's flunging her thoughts opening around. He doing the same thing.

At least she gets to go with out sometimes with her moronic yet charming silver spoon prince, even if it's at hawker centres. At least interaction with him exists on a reasonable scale.
At least you get to see him often.
At least you don't have to feel the misery of not knowing your feelings for him.
At least you could express your "love" to him openly.
At least, he wishes for you to commit to him.
At least, he knows you are there.
At least, you have some sweet memories.

On the other hand,
I HARDLY go with you. Sure, you can go out with other guys for functions. Not me.
I have HARDLY eaten out with you.
I dun even SEE you for like MONTHS.
NO chance for commitment to you all. NONE ALLOWED you say.
I MOST PROBABLY DON'T EXIST until it's absolutly neccessary.
The sweet memories? It's STALE.
MOVIES? I'm busy you ALWAYS say, with reasons I could never debated on.

Have you ever feel the lonelyness not to have a proper soulmate. You're the special some who just make you me go weak, melting me easily The one who erode even my toughest defence. The one who matters.

A occasion SMS that he's thinking of you? Well, never heard that from you. And I mean it. NEVER. So that feeling rocks?

I hope it's fun for you

-=[Shu, Feng, Ye Zi] De Gu Shi=-
~*[Ye Zi]* De Li Kai~
~Shi *[Shu]* De Bu Wan Liu~
~Hai Shi *[Feng]* De Zui Qiuo~